I JUST WANT YOU TO...
We rarely sit down with someone genuinely prepared to listen. In most everyday interactions, conversation has stopped being a bridge and has become a formality or a confrontation. We listen only to respond, not to understand. The other person disappears as a subject, and all that remains is me:
I just want you to understand that what I say, believe and think is right.
I just want you to see how things really are.
I just want you to align with what we do and how we do it.
I just want you to realise that…
Behind these intentions lies no genuine desire for dialogue, but rather a latent need to reinforce our own thinking and homogenise that of others.
Under this premise, dialogue does not exist. We turn communication into a subtle —or aggressive— attempt to tame someone else’s point of view. Disagreement makes us uncomfortable because we interpret it as a threat, when in fact it is the only gateway to learning.
If the only acceptable outcome of a conversation is for the other person to end up thinking exactly as you do, you weren’t looking to talk; you were basically looking to convince them. Conversation becomes a mere formality that we incorporate into what we do, but with no real intention of seeing and listening.
Breaking this pattern requires us to radically transform the way we listen. Truly listening does not mean remaining silent while the other person speaks, patiently waiting for our turn to attack. True listening is an act of generosity and courage: it means suspending judgement, quieting the mental noise of our own arguments and being present with genuine curiosity. It means creating a space where the other person’s words are not seen as a threat to be dismantled, but as a window into a different world that deserves to be explored.
Accepting that other realities exist does not mean giving up your own or compromising your convictions; it means understanding that reality is multidimensional and that there is no single way of looking at it. True relational maturity lies in being able to hold the tension of thinking differently without turning difference into conflict.
Real change happens when we change the intention with which we relate to others. Perhaps the first step towards reconnecting is to let go of the need to be right and dare to doubt:
What if today I simply choose to truly listen? What if I carefully consider their point of view, ask myself sincere questions and am able to acknowledge that their perspective is just as valid as mine?
The fact that our perspectives are different does not mean they are incompatible; it is precisely at the intersection of two honest perspectives that the possibility of finding common ground emerges.
By Teresa Clemente.
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