LOVING A HUMAN BEING

Text by Humberto Maturana. 1928–2021.

At the Instituto Relacional, we have always felt deeply inspired by the vision of Humberto Maturana. The importance of seeing the other, of making the invisible visible, has fueled our daily work and shaped our horizon as a team. For this reason, rather than saying farewell to this great Chilean teacher, we honor his life by sharing a beautiful text that expresses what we aspire to — as individuals and as a society: to love one another.

To love a human being is to accept the opportunity to truly know them and to enjoy the adventure of exploring and discovering what lies beyond their masks and defenses; to contemplate with tenderness their deepest feelings, their fears, their needs, their hopes and joys, their pain and their longings. It is to understand that behind their façade and their armor there is a sensitive and lonely heart, hungry for a friendly hand, thirsty for a sincere smile in which it can feel at home. It is to recognize, with respectful compassion, that the disharmony and chaos in which they sometimes live are the result of their ignorance or unawareness, and to realize that if they generate unhappiness it is because they have not yet learned how to sow joy. At times they feel so empty and without meaning that they cannot even trust themselves. To love is to discover and honor, beyond any appearance, their true identity and to genuinely appreciate their infinite greatness as a unique and unrepeatable expression of Life.

To love a human being is to offer them the opportunity to be listened to with deep attention, interest, and respect. It is to accept their experience without trying to modify it, but to understand it. It is to offer a space where they can discover themselves without fear of being judged, where they feel confident enough to open up without being forced to reveal what they hold private. It is to recognize and show them that they have the inalienable right to choose their own path, even if it does not coincide with yours. It is to allow them to discover their inner truth on their own terms, to appreciate them without conditions or judgments, without asking them to adapt to your ideals or expectations. It is to value them for who they are, not for who you would like them to be. It is to trust in their ability to learn from their mistakes and rise from their falls stronger and wiser, and to communicate your faith in their human potential.

To love a human being is to dare to reveal yourself defenseless, without poses or masks, showing your truth honestly and transparently. It is to reveal your feelings and vulnerabilities, to allow them to know who you really are, without adopting attitudes meant to impress. It is to express your desires and needs without expecting the other to be responsible for fulfilling them. It is to express your ideas without trying to convince them that they are correct. It is to enjoy the privilege of being yourself in the presence of another, without asking for recognition, and in doing so, to discover yourself in ever-new and evolving ways. It is to look at the other with clear eyes and say: “This is who I am at this moment in my life, and this is what I freely and gladly share with you, if you want to receive it.”

To love a human being is to commit voluntarily and respond actively to their need for personal growth. It is to believe in them when they doubt themselves, to share your vitality and enthusiasm when they are close to giving up, to support them when they falter, to encourage them when they hesitate, to hold their hands firmly when they feel weak, to trust them when something burdens them, and to soothe them gently when something saddens them, without being swept away by their suffering. It is to share the present simply for the joy of being together, freely, without imposed obligations.

To love a human being is also to be humble enough to receive their tenderness without pretending you need nothing. It is to accept with gratitude what they offer without demanding what they cannot or do not wish to give. It is to thank Life for the gift of their existence and to feel their presence as a blessing on your path. It is to know that each day is an uncertain adventure and that tomorrow remains unknown. It is to live each moment as if it were the last you could share, so that each reunion is as deep as the first time you held their hand, making the everyday miraculous.

To love a human being is to express affection naturally through your gaze, your gestures and smiles, through the gentle firmness of your touch, your embrace, your kisses, and simple sincere words. It is to show them how much you value them for who they are, how much you appreciate their inner richness, even the treasures they themselves do not yet see. It is to see their potential and help awaken the seed that sleeps inside. It is to make them feel that their development matters to you, that they can count on you. It is to encourage their creativity and their ability to give fruit. It is to reveal the treasure they carry within and to collaborate to make life richer and more meaningful.

To love a human being is also to set and maintain your own boundaries. It is to respect yourself and not allow the other to violate what you consider your personal rights. It is to have enough confidence in yourself and in the relationship to express discomfort or anger without harming the other. It is to recognize and respect their limitations without idealizing them. It is to share agreements and accept disagreements. And if one day the paths must separate, to love is to be able to say goodbye in peace and harmony, so that both may remember each other with gratitude.

To love a human being is to go beyond their individuality. It is to see them and value them as an expression of all humanity. It is to recognize, through them, the miracle of human nature — which is also yours — with all its greatness and limitations. To love a human being, in truth, is to love humanity in its wholeness. It is to love the authentic nature of being human as it is. And therefore, to love a human being is to love yourself, and to feel proud to be one unique note in the symphony of this world.

By Joan Quintana.