CONVERSATIONS THAT HOLD US

Imagen: Priscilla Du Pree para Unsplash

In many conversations, I notice a sense of low energy and difficulty in taking on tasks, projects, or sustaining circumstances or relationships. Even though there is some sense of progress, it hasn’t been easy: we are carrying a backpack of experiences, some more intense than others, some very painful, and that is weighing on us.

It also seems that there is a lack of enthusiasm or difficulty when it comes to celebrating what is working or flowing. We’ve recently been referring to this state with terms like apathy, languishing, or, more recently, pandemic fatigue.

It feels strange. When I talk with my friends, I sense a desire to move forward, but also vulnerability. There is the feeling of coming out of a complicated situation while still experiencing discomfort. Sometimes it shows up as a lack of fulfillment, of perspective, or a sense of insecurity or unease when making decisions.

Through these conversations, I realize that we are not really looking for answers or solutions to what we are experiencing, but rather a chance to share it. This need to be listened to and accompanied feels as though the pandemic has left us with a kind of relational insufficiency that we now need to address through conversations that accompany us into action.

The Importance of Seeking Different Perspectives

I try to have conversations myself to reset or recharge. I need those moments to organize and renew myself, to face what is happening to me and to remember the meaning and purpose behind what I feel and do.

To understand what I’m going through or to make sense of what I do, I sometimes need to rely on conversations with people who are significant to me—people I admire, love, and trust—where I feel safe enough to share my difficulties and life dilemmas. These are people with whom I have a bond, of different kinds and origins, but a bond that is recognized and affirmed.

These people know parts of me—my history and my values—that allow me to open up and speak about what affects me. And thanks to that, it feels as though we get to know each other again; I feel re-known, re-recognized. In the end, more than advice or a ready-made solution, the interaction with them offers me a sense of discernment to navigate what I’m going through.

What touches me most in these conversations is that what is said is not judged, categorized, packaged, or labeled. Instead, it is received with warmth and acceptance, as if from that place some possibility for action might emerge. I often experience that moment of: “now that I’m explaining it, I realize that…”

Sometimes, when I talk about what worries me, I believe I’m the only person going through something like this. And surprisingly, it doesn’t take long to realize that my situation—my unique story—becomes a third presence in the conversation. No matter how singular I thought it was, I see how it belongs to a deeply human sphere, part of the universal need for well-being and to avoid suffering.

Then, in these conversations that accompany, I understand that what bothers or worries me—above all—is rooted in the relationship I establish with the situations or people involved, and in what I ultimately do or do not do with it.

Guiding towards action

There have been moments when I tried to solve life’s difficulties by thinking about them endlessly — spending hours and hours turning them over in my mind. I believed that I could change or move forward simply by thinking more and more about the issue. But just as thinking a lot about running does not prepare you for a marathon, thinking excessively about what causes you anxiety or stress does not prepare you to face it.

Fortunately, I have close people who offer me personalized relational accompaniment. Through conversations that bring order and dignity to my experience and personal history, they help me renew my responsibility for what I feel. These conversations accompany me and invite me to explore possibilities and options, and to work from the resources I already have.

Orienting oneself towards action opens up new possibilities before us. In this sense, it is important to consider two things: the way we act changes the way we feel, and evolution requires difference and committed action — it requires taking responsibility.

"Let us strive to be more the parents of our future than the children of our past."— Miguel de Unamuno

Accompaniment facilitates action. Sometimes we don’t have someone to turn to, or the people we usually rely on are unable to help us professionally, or they may even be part of what we are going through. In those cases, it becomes necessary to rely on professional accompaniment to become aware of and act upon what is not helping us or is making it difficult to face the moment we are living.

You may need to reorient or seek new balance in your relationships with colleagues or family, or you may need to face a demotivated team, or make important decisions… These are times of exhaustion and uncertainty. Let’s not pretend otherwise — it hasn’t been easy. You may want to consider whether this is a good moment for you to allow yourself to be accompanied.

(Text reviewed by Daniela Rojas, Susana de los Reyes, and Esther Trujillo. Thank you!)

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